I'd forgotten how I enjoyed Andy Rooney's monologues until the media reported his death last week. I read it in the NY Times, not the British Times; there may have been a small piece in some newspaper here, but at the moment it's all gloom and doom in the Eurozone that takes up the newsprint. (That and Princess Zara's husband being kicked off the England rugby team. A minor scandal as royal scandals go.)
I may not have always watched the entire hour of 60 Minutes, the talk program Rooney held the last three minutes of, but I was almost certain to tune in to hear what topic he was going to bring his brand of sensibility to. He wasn't always politically correct and had more than a few dissenters--I certainly didn't agree with everything he said--but I found he often made a good point. I don't really watch much TV now, and honestly I don't miss it--most Brits in fact bemoan the fact that most of what's on the telly is crap.
Hearing of Andy's passing though made me pause and reflect on how my habits have changed since coming to the UK--getting to the theatre and opera more, spending Sundays without football (though I'll admit I truly enjoy rugby at the national level), watching almost no TV (I didn't even own one the first year here and still don't on the IoW), and, alas, eating less pizza. Those are all actually good things, but oh how I get that craving for a slice from back home.
The day after Rooney's death, a friend of mine shared a monologue that is commonly attributed to Andy, but in fact was penned by a gentleman called Frank Kaiser. Andy wasn't all that fond of women over 40; his response to whether he agreed with Kaiser's opinion is said to have been "not particularly." No matter; I appreciated Rooney for his honesty.And I liked that he occasionally referred to his wife, fondly, in his three minutes.
Some of what Frank Kaiser said made me smile, and thought was worth sharing. For my friends over 40 and those inching ever closer to the mark, then, enjoy:
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why: An over 40 woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think. If an over 40 woman doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And it's usually something more interesting.
An over 40 woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is,what she is, what she wants, and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a darn what you might think about her or what she's doing.. An over 40 woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and "commitment". The last thing she wants in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover. Over 40 women are dignified.
They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Over 40 women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. An over 40 woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. A woman over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her. Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an over 40 woman. They always know. An over 40 woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Over 40 women are forthright and honest.
They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise over 40 women for a multitude of reasons.
Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
No comments:
Post a Comment